I'm so bad at this!!

I'm sorry, I'm so awful at updating.


Getting pretty excited, leaving on Thursday. Ten hour ride, switch buses and then another four-ish hour ride. Kind of sad that the places I want to get pictures of, I'll be coming in when it's dark but maybe on the return trip? It's not like this is going to be the only time I'll be going there anyway :). Need to start packing tonight; doing laundry ect. but I just can't get motivated.

Maybe do another post tonight, getting interrupted with drama. Ugh.

Need to stop neglecting this thing. Sorry!

I feel like I've been running around like crazy since I've been home. It hasn't been that hectic, but it feels like it and I can definitely tell that I'm still recovering. This next week is going to be even busier because I've got a few days with my sister before she pops out Baby and then I'm kidnapping a girliefriend and going to get her wasted.

Today started out pretty decent. Finally got to see Brother #2. Apologized for taking off to Wisconsin/Oregon when he finally decided I was cool enough to hang out with. Ate a pretty sweet Mother's Day Brunch with him, his girlfriend, her mom and grandmother and my mom. It was nice and relaxing and then we chatted and watched the Twins game. Also, his girlfriend's mom works with an ex boyfriend's mom. Small fucking world.

Dealt with some on-line retarded drama later on and ended up having to get away from the computer for a while. Helped my mom plant tomatoes and was feeling better. Then I bought a bus ticket and now I'm feeling way better.

I'm so stoked for the end of May :)

I've also had "Welcome to Youtube" and another song called "Activate" stuck in my head all day. It's weird hearing the mashup of the two in my head.

How Awesome Is This?

Testing 1 2 checking the mic.

I can totally send a text to my blog now.

I also changed the font for the site.

Getting Ready

Actually, I'm totally sitting on my ass and procrastinating. I should be packing. My bed is covered with everything from a coffee maker and pans, to clothes and books. But I've been playing fucking Mafia Wars and texting people. Ugh.

Back to Minnesota, finally. I'm so excited to be home and closer to people who love and actually treat me like a human. Getting out and having a social life is what I need right now. Hopefully visiting some good friends in the near future, and that's going to be awesome. I leave tomorrow morning at 5 and I'll be landing in Minneapolis around 1:45. I can't wait to get back!

I'm going to be AWOL for awhile. I'll write things in Word and then post them when I have access to the internet. I'm not going to be getting internet myself for about a month I'm guessing. It sucks. I'm going to be out of communication with a large group of people who I've grown to really kind of like. Not to mention missing out on all the sites I check daily. Man, the internet is a wonderful tool.

Anyway, I just wanted to get one last post up letting you know that I'm not going to be around. Thanks for all the support and for listening to my vent-sessions. It hasn't gone unnoticed. I'll be back someday soon.

~Emily

Almost.

I'm getting very close to getting out of here and I couldn't be happier. I had a great night last night with a very good friend and I woke up completely refreshed and more relaxed then I have been in months. I'm looking forward to more nights and days feeling that way and less of the drama filled life I'm in now. I've always preferred the company of guys rather than girls because I've always found it to be less drama. This relationship has proved that there is always an exception to any rule.

As a completely unrelated note: I am watching two guys playing guitar while a third is in the background playing a not plugged in Guitar Hero controller. It is the second best thing I've seen all day.

This was the best. Thanks Wong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ5qlIP0aRo

Ahhh...procrastination!

I have been doing it a ton lately, but have still managed to pack up 90% of my things. All that's left now is clothes, bedding and pans. I can't wait until I'm out of here (May 3rd) and it seems like that Sunday can't come soon enough! Recovering well, still some headaches but nothing too awful. I've only had one migraine since the surgery which is a pretty good sign, I think. It came on early evening and when I woke up the next day it was gone. I'm going to be internetless for awhile when I first get back. Looking into putting the cable bill into my name and getting that sweet 3 services for 99 bucks deal that every fucking cable company offers.

Other than that nothing super huge is going on right now. I'm pretty content with the way things are going. Even looking forward to living with my mom for awhile. I've really missed her. I realized when I was sick that something like that could have just as easily happened to one of them and I would be too far away to help them with anything. It's broken my heart to be so far away from everyone in the world that loves me and I don't intend on being that far away anytime soon.

I know that me moving out to Oregon hurt a lot of people and I plan on making up for it. Me moving back home, however is also hurting someone and as much as I hate hurting people-it's something that needed to be done. When he woke up and decided he was losing me, it was already too late. I'm still not convinced that he's changed, either. More and more I see the old him coming back out and I know if I stayed, it would be back to "normal" in no time. Then another six months go by and I'd be in a worse state of mind. Not to mention the fact that John's made it very clear that if we stayed together, I'd have to cut all ties with a few close friends. I'm not doing that again. I've lost friends that way before and fuck if it's going to happen again.

This is taking a more serious turn than I intended. I'm really excited and happy to be going home. I'm looking forward to camping and the State Fair and generally having a life again. This summer is going to kick ass, I just know it. I have a year + to make up to my family and friends and I'm not going to waste it.

I feel like I'm getting a fresh start. Something new and familiar at the same time. It sounds strange but I'm just glad I made it out of the hospital alive and better and that's changed my out look on so many things because I just as easily could not have.

Happy Spring

I've been working on a painting for the past few days and haven't really felt much like writing, but if I'm going to keep this updated regularly, I'm going to have to suck it up. It reminds me of when I used to try and keep a diary when I was younger. I'd write in it every day for about a week and a half and then totally forget about it. I really do want to keep this updated; I think it's a great therapy tool for me and it will be interesting to look at it years from now.

Things between John and I are getting awkward as hell. He still wants to be together which hasn't been an option for months. He keeps trying to be physical with me and I hate it. It's not going to make it easier for him when I leave and I keep trying to explain that to him. He alternates between trying to show me affection and making me feel like shit. Today he badgered me for a good twenty minutes on why I didn't want to go to his mother's for Easter Dinner. I told him a few days ago I didn't want to go. They think I'm using him and although they aren't the type of people to bring it up with me around, I just don't feel right being with people who feel that way about me. He kept accusing me of staying home because I had other "Plans". Like I'm going to invite some dude over to fuck while he's out. Because what I need right now is another dude in my life. Yup I need that like I need a swift kick to the face.

Ok I've had this open in a tab for about five hours now. I'm just going to publish this part and write a bit more tomorrow.