I'm getting very close to getting out of here and I couldn't be happier. I had a great night last night with a very good friend and I woke up completely refreshed and more relaxed then I have been in months. I'm looking forward to more nights and days feeling that way and less of the drama filled life I'm in now. I've always preferred the company of guys rather than girls because I've always found it to be less drama. This relationship has proved that there is always an exception to any rule.
As a completely unrelated note: I am watching two guys playing guitar while a third is in the background playing a not plugged in Guitar Hero controller. It is the second best thing I've seen all day.
This was the best. Thanks Wong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ5qlIP0aRo
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Ahhh...procrastination!
I have been doing it a ton lately, but have still managed to pack up 90% of my things. All that's left now is clothes, bedding and pans. I can't wait until I'm out of here (May 3rd) and it seems like that Sunday can't come soon enough! Recovering well, still some headaches but nothing too awful. I've only had one migraine since the surgery which is a pretty good sign, I think. It came on early evening and when I woke up the next day it was gone. I'm going to be internetless for awhile when I first get back. Looking into putting the cable bill into my name and getting that sweet 3 services for 99 bucks deal that every fucking cable company offers.
Other than that nothing super huge is going on right now. I'm pretty content with the way things are going. Even looking forward to living with my mom for awhile. I've really missed her. I realized when I was sick that something like that could have just as easily happened to one of them and I would be too far away to help them with anything. It's broken my heart to be so far away from everyone in the world that loves me and I don't intend on being that far away anytime soon.
I know that me moving out to Oregon hurt a lot of people and I plan on making up for it. Me moving back home, however is also hurting someone and as much as I hate hurting people-it's something that needed to be done. When he woke up and decided he was losing me, it was already too late. I'm still not convinced that he's changed, either. More and more I see the old him coming back out and I know if I stayed, it would be back to "normal" in no time. Then another six months go by and I'd be in a worse state of mind. Not to mention the fact that John's made it very clear that if we stayed together, I'd have to cut all ties with a few close friends. I'm not doing that again. I've lost friends that way before and fuck if it's going to happen again.
This is taking a more serious turn than I intended. I'm really excited and happy to be going home. I'm looking forward to camping and the State Fair and generally having a life again. This summer is going to kick ass, I just know it. I have a year + to make up to my family and friends and I'm not going to waste it.
I feel like I'm getting a fresh start. Something new and familiar at the same time. It sounds strange but I'm just glad I made it out of the hospital alive and better and that's changed my out look on so many things because I just as easily could not have.
Other than that nothing super huge is going on right now. I'm pretty content with the way things are going. Even looking forward to living with my mom for awhile. I've really missed her. I realized when I was sick that something like that could have just as easily happened to one of them and I would be too far away to help them with anything. It's broken my heart to be so far away from everyone in the world that loves me and I don't intend on being that far away anytime soon.
I know that me moving out to Oregon hurt a lot of people and I plan on making up for it. Me moving back home, however is also hurting someone and as much as I hate hurting people-it's something that needed to be done. When he woke up and decided he was losing me, it was already too late. I'm still not convinced that he's changed, either. More and more I see the old him coming back out and I know if I stayed, it would be back to "normal" in no time. Then another six months go by and I'd be in a worse state of mind. Not to mention the fact that John's made it very clear that if we stayed together, I'd have to cut all ties with a few close friends. I'm not doing that again. I've lost friends that way before and fuck if it's going to happen again.
This is taking a more serious turn than I intended. I'm really excited and happy to be going home. I'm looking forward to camping and the State Fair and generally having a life again. This summer is going to kick ass, I just know it. I have a year + to make up to my family and friends and I'm not going to waste it.
I feel like I'm getting a fresh start. Something new and familiar at the same time. It sounds strange but I'm just glad I made it out of the hospital alive and better and that's changed my out look on so many things because I just as easily could not have.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Happy Spring
I've been working on a painting for the past few days and haven't really felt much like writing, but if I'm going to keep this updated regularly, I'm going to have to suck it up. It reminds me of when I used to try and keep a diary when I was younger. I'd write in it every day for about a week and a half and then totally forget about it. I really do want to keep this updated; I think it's a great therapy tool for me and it will be interesting to look at it years from now.
Things between John and I are getting awkward as hell. He still wants to be together which hasn't been an option for months. He keeps trying to be physical with me and I hate it. It's not going to make it easier for him when I leave and I keep trying to explain that to him. He alternates between trying to show me affection and making me feel like shit. Today he badgered me for a good twenty minutes on why I didn't want to go to his mother's for Easter Dinner. I told him a few days ago I didn't want to go. They think I'm using him and although they aren't the type of people to bring it up with me around, I just don't feel right being with people who feel that way about me. He kept accusing me of staying home because I had other "Plans". Like I'm going to invite some dude over to fuck while he's out. Because what I need right now is another dude in my life. Yup I need that like I need a swift kick to the face.
Ok I've had this open in a tab for about five hours now. I'm just going to publish this part and write a bit more tomorrow.
Things between John and I are getting awkward as hell. He still wants to be together which hasn't been an option for months. He keeps trying to be physical with me and I hate it. It's not going to make it easier for him when I leave and I keep trying to explain that to him. He alternates between trying to show me affection and making me feel like shit. Today he badgered me for a good twenty minutes on why I didn't want to go to his mother's for Easter Dinner. I told him a few days ago I didn't want to go. They think I'm using him and although they aren't the type of people to bring it up with me around, I just don't feel right being with people who feel that way about me. He kept accusing me of staying home because I had other "Plans". Like I'm going to invite some dude over to fuck while he's out. Because what I need right now is another dude in my life. Yup I need that like I need a swift kick to the face.
Ok I've had this open in a tab for about five hours now. I'm just going to publish this part and write a bit more tomorrow.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Greetings!
I know it's been forever and I'm kicking myself in the ass for not writing sooner. Tomorrow will be a full run down of the past few weeks, I promise. Just a few points real fast.
Surgery went well. I was in the ICU most of my hospital stay, but that was only because I still had my spinal drain in and I couldn't move or anything with that in. I was in the hospital for six days. I feel AMAZING. After being so sick for so long it was such a shock how fast I seemed to be healing.
There was a complication; it was a risk I knew about going in. I have something called Diabetes Insipidus. Wiki link-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diabetes_insipidus
I pee every fifteen - thirty minutes and drink 1-2 liters of water every hour. It's frustrating and I'll have it for the rest of my life, but it's something I can deal with.
My mom was out here for awhile after I got out of the hospital, which was awesome because I didn't really have much pain so we got to get out and explore. I saw more of Oregon/California in the 10 days she was here then I did the whole year I lived here. We went to a few historical cities around here, and drove through the Redwood Forest to Crescent City, CA which was fucking beautiful. She was also here during her birthday so I burned her 20 or so CD's of music she's been trying to find for years. It was cute seeing her marvel at the technology. Since she left, I've been reading a ton and working on a painting the past few nights.
I'll post more details of everything tomorrow. Bed time for me. Sleep Well and have an awesome Easter or regular Sunday, everyone.
~Emily
Surgery went well. I was in the ICU most of my hospital stay, but that was only because I still had my spinal drain in and I couldn't move or anything with that in. I was in the hospital for six days. I feel AMAZING. After being so sick for so long it was such a shock how fast I seemed to be healing.
There was a complication; it was a risk I knew about going in. I have something called Diabetes Insipidus. Wiki link-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diabetes_insipidus
I pee every fifteen - thirty minutes and drink 1-2 liters of water every hour. It's frustrating and I'll have it for the rest of my life, but it's something I can deal with.
My mom was out here for awhile after I got out of the hospital, which was awesome because I didn't really have much pain so we got to get out and explore. I saw more of Oregon/California in the 10 days she was here then I did the whole year I lived here. We went to a few historical cities around here, and drove through the Redwood Forest to Crescent City, CA which was fucking beautiful. She was also here during her birthday so I burned her 20 or so CD's of music she's been trying to find for years. It was cute seeing her marvel at the technology. Since she left, I've been reading a ton and working on a painting the past few nights.
I'll post more details of everything tomorrow. Bed time for me. Sleep Well and have an awesome Easter or regular Sunday, everyone.
~Emily
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