Last week was a pretty rough one. On top of having a rough Father's Day, I was just in a general funk the whole week. I found out on Friday that one of my aunts was in the hospital with a collapsed lung, which turned out stemmed from a tumor growing in her Bronchial Tube. It's not in a place that can be operated on, it is cancerous and they are doing Chemo (from what I've heard, anyway.) I have been stressed about finding a job here, when I'm going to see Mack next, and I just had a general case of the blahs.
This week has been going a ton smoother. I recently got in contact with a friend from my childhood, one I have been thinking about a ton for the past few months and who I haven't seen since his brother's funeral. The day we started exchanging IM's, we talked for a few hours. About his brother, psychology theories, music and our love lives. It was great. We're hooking up for The Taste of Minnesota on Friday, and I'm attending my first hard metal concert, Judas Priest and Whitesnake. I'm pretty stoked.
Mack and I have discussed in further detail what it would take to get me down there permanently. We've got a bit more of a plan now, but that plan can only happen once I find a job. I've sent out countless applications and resumes in the past few days, just crossing my fingers for callbacks now.
No one is going to be surprised that I'm moving. It's become some sort of in joke now. Everyone I've run into since being back home has asked, "So, are you sticking around this time?"
I was planning on it. For awhile at least, but long distance relationships suck ass and it puts way too much stress on the people involved. I'm not losing Mack, the person who was there for me every night, cheering me up, making me laugh, making me feel beautiful again while I was going through the worst six months in my life...I'm not losing him and this relationship over something that's fairly easy to work around.
I say no one is going to be surprised, but oh man, are they going to be pissed.
My mom knew right away I was taking off again. She's already been helping me get my car fixed enough to drive down there. Helping me pack, get things organized to leave. She's the best person in the world, she's so understanding and I love her.
My dad is another story. When I was visiting Mack, he would not answer my phone calls or texts the entire time I was in Illinois. He will walk away from me if I even if I start talking about Mack, or anything to do with IL. He's the most childish person I know, and I know he's going to flip shit when I tell him I'm leaving again.
My cousin, Sammy, is one of the greatest friends a person could wish for. I know she is going to be incredibly hurt when I leave and she is the only person I'm concerned about telling. She's helped me out so much in the past few years. She is, for all intents and purposes, my big sister. I love her dearly, and I hate leaving her- I hate leaving everyone.
I can understand why people have a problem with me taking off again. Green Bay was nothing like it was supposed to be. I was shot down repeatedly for a chance at a relationship when the whole reason I moved out there in the first place was to be with someone. He gave me excuse after excuse about not wanting to date once I got out there, even though before I moved, we had talked about nothing but us being together. I sucked it up as best I could, worked, paid my share of the bills and lived my own life. When I told him I was leaving, he then confessed his undying love for me, became abusive when I rejected him and I bailed.
I went to Oregon from there, to be with John. Things went ok at first, and then we started having problems. I would bring up what was going on, to have things change for a few weeks at the most, and then end up in the same routine over and over. Until I got sick, and it got worse. I wasn't able to cook and clean, I lost my job and the mental abuse I took from that was something I didn't think I could get over.
But I did. With the help from Mack. So my track record of moving away, and getting into these shitty situations is high to say the least. I don't blame people for thinking something is going to go wrong with this one. All I can really say, is that I feel with everything in me that he was put in my life for a reason, and I think that reason is to make me incredibly happy. I think I was put in his life for the same reason. And I think we both deserve it.
So I tell everyone who gives me shit this: I'll never know until I go down there and give this everything I can.
That's exactly what I plan on doing.
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