And not thrilled about it. Illinois was very awesome, though. I had a blast. Felt more at home down there than I have in a very, very long time. The city was decent sized but it still had that smaller town feel to it. Much like Green Bay, and I looooved that town.
Since I've been back, it's been fairly stressful. Trying to find a job and deal with a retarded amount of issues being thrown my way. The only relief I seem to get is from midnight on, when I talk to one of the few people who can keep me sane. He's done it from the first time we ever spoke, and I'm incredibly thankful he is in my life.
I've been working on a fair amount of digital art, which isn't my normal medium, but I'm really enjoying it. I'm trying to think of possible career moves involving art, and then looking at schooling from there. I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I don't know if most people have that figured out at this stage in life, but I'm being indecisive. Which is getting me a whole lot of nowhere.
I've always put relationships above other things, which I don't see a problem with. I have always wanted to find love more than make a certain amount of money, or have certain things in life. I'd grown up on the bare necessities and I'm fairly comfortable continuing a life like that, as long as I had someone who loves me and makes me happy. I never really understood the people who freak out and put off relationships because they are furthering their career or whatever. I guess some people prefer to be alone, and that's fine. But I'm not wired like that at all. I don't just jump into the first bed of someone who shows interest in me, and besides the past shitty ass year, I was more often single than in a relationship.
I'm not sure where I was going with this, but it's something that's been rolling around in my mind for awhile after comments people have made about the current relationship I'm in. I know this isn't the most "orthodox" relationship. It's far from it. People are picking it apart piece by piece from the distance, to the age thing and many other factors. It's no one's life but mine, just drop it and let me have my happiness for once. After the year I've had, I think I deserve a bit of a break.
This is turning into a bit of a whine-fest, so I'm going to chill on that topic for now. I've said my piece and I feel better for it. This is why I need to keep updating this. When I was in Junior High, I had a very close friend named Casey. Casey was the shit, and I could talk to him about anything I wanted. Like many people in junior high and high school, we passed notes to one another. It got to the point where we had two notebooks going at once, I had one and he had one and we would write to each other and switch (usually a few times a day). It was like a diary of sorts, only it was being read by someone else. I still have the notebooks, and I still read them all the time. Unfortunately, I don't have the friend anymore and that friendship is something I think about on a daily basis. So this is my new notebook. This is my new diary.
I'm going to end this for the night, but that last section has me thinking about how easily the tightest bonds of friendship can fade away with time and distance. I think it's a good topic for me to write on at a later date.
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