I've been working on a painting for the past few days and haven't really felt much like writing, but if I'm going to keep this updated regularly, I'm going to have to suck it up. It reminds me of when I used to try and keep a diary when I was younger. I'd write in it every day for about a week and a half and then totally forget about it. I really do want to keep this updated; I think it's a great therapy tool for me and it will be interesting to look at it years from now.
Things between John and I are getting awkward as hell. He still wants to be together which hasn't been an option for months. He keeps trying to be physical with me and I hate it. It's not going to make it easier for him when I leave and I keep trying to explain that to him. He alternates between trying to show me affection and making me feel like shit. Today he badgered me for a good twenty minutes on why I didn't want to go to his mother's for Easter Dinner. I told him a few days ago I didn't want to go. They think I'm using him and although they aren't the type of people to bring it up with me around, I just don't feel right being with people who feel that way about me. He kept accusing me of staying home because I had other "Plans". Like I'm going to invite some dude over to fuck while he's out. Because what I need right now is another dude in my life. Yup I need that like I need a swift kick to the face.
Ok I've had this open in a tab for about five hours now. I'm just going to publish this part and write a bit more tomorrow.
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