Ok, it's official.

I'm fucking stressed. Like before I had a job and I thought I was a burden on Mack stressed. It's getting worse and worse. It's money, but at the same time it isn't. It's about trying to figure out how to best approach someone with a problem when it feels like they don't care. It's about not getting support. It's about venting and feeling ignored. It's starting to piss me off.


I've been throwing things around at work all day because I just don't give a shit about this place anymore. I've busted my ass the past five months and when I need something from them, I get shit on. It's been almost a month and still no workman's comp form. I have been coming in on my days off with the kids and working because the managers fucked up the schedule so bad, they're putting people on for 24 hour shifts. I clean the place from top to bottom, clean up everyone else's messes and the thanks I get is people eating what I have in the fridge for lunch. But everyone acts all shocked when I get mad. They tell me I just have to deal with it. No. Fuck you. I'm not going to sit here and get walked on because that's what people expect of me.

I'm just so sick of it. In my personal and professional life. Everyone just assumes I'm going to be there for them, but the second I need something all I hear is crickets. And the minute I get pissed about it, it's like I'm over reacting. Do your fucking job, and I'd be fine. Show me the same courtesy that I show you, I won't be half as stressed and pissed off as I am right now. Follow through on what you tell me you're going to do. Don't sit there and act shocked when you aren't doing what you should be, and everything gets fucked up. Why should I be getting punished for your misjudgment?

I know it's sounding like a "life's not fair" rant, but I don't hold high expectations for life. The things that I've always wanted aren't going to happen. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. It sucks ass, I don't want to have to compromise, but I will do it for the ends. I've always wanted to be married, I've always wanted a house with my own yard, I've always wanted to go to school to do something to help people and I've never wanted to live with out having a cat in the house.

Right now, I know that not many of those things are going to happen. I'm trying my hardest to come to terms with it. At the moment, I'd just settle for not having to live paycheck to paycheck and not having to strech every last penny until the next payday. I'd settle for not working my ass off and then not have the money to get a haircut. I'd settle for being able to take a few days off to fucking relax with no one around. I'd settle for someone telling me I'm doing a good job, for getting some kind of credit for what I'm doing.